THANK YOU

As i make my way down the all white hall and turn into the kitchen there she is. Lola, one of the handmaids that lives down the hall. Every day as me and my husband walk through the garden i see her looking out the window at my husband, her eyes glazed with lust. though i now i cant say anything about it i now she would like to be picked to have my kid. As i walk by her i bump the dishes right out of her hand and all the food falls on her dress. i help her by smearing the sauce more and more on her dress. She know what i am doing but in a quite voice she says "thank you". i walk out of the room and all i can her are those stupid words ringing in my head like church bells on sunday morning. "Thank you", "Thank you",  "Thank you".

DAY BY DAY

As i lay motionless on my rocker starring at my brittle body, repeating in my mind "what am i doing here""Why cant i just be a handmaid". its hard to believe i cant even have sex with my own husband. all i have ever wanted is to bear my own children. yet i am here everyday worthless, just gardening,knitting and whatever i can to keep my mind off children.